I haven't done a good job of coming and capturing feelings and thoughts the last couple weeks. For me, it was a way of avoiding. It has been a difficult couple weeks. Emotional for sure.
Started our Group meetings, we have had two meetings. There are three ladies that are in the group. This next week, we are each sharing our story of abuse and survival. It has been really overwhelming to think about for me, but good has come from it also.
The last week, sleep has been difficult. It is always interrupted. I wake up in the middle of the night, racing pounding heart, sweating and anxious. I have been trying hard to just recognize it and feel it, and try to just let it be.
I am having a hard time really trusting myself. Not in the sense that I don't think things happened, but in the fact that I cannot really "feel" or acknowledge how I feel. It sounds funny, but it is buried so deep down, that I cannot get to it. I still have a little girl that got hurt, she is scared and trying to protect herself. I need to get to her, love her and let her know that she is safe, and loved.
I also don't really know about the loving part. I know that I survived some crazy things, and that they are things that no one should have to go thru, but people do. And most survive. So what makes me different?
See, I have always been different. I was the one that was chosen to be abused. Not Amy. Me. So, I did I get abused? Why was I so weak. I did my Dad choose me? It makes no sense to me.
So, I am preparing to share my story. My story of abuse, of neglect and of triumph. I have hope. I have faith. I know that if I can survive all that I have gone thru; then I can survive this. I am strong. I am good. And I am a survivor.
