Today for some reason, I am heavy inside with worry and concern. Not sure what it means, or what is going on. I feel sad. I want to go to bed and hunker down until this goes away. I always wan to go to bed.
A couple things have happened since I last wrote. Brian and I are doing fine. Last time I posted, was at the peak of an event. I love Brian more than I can express. He is really the best support, the one person that loves me. Really loves me. I think that I can be really hard on him. Like I try to test him. To see if he will stay, or mis treat me. After so many years, I cannot believe he has stayed. And I am humbled to know how much he loves me.
We did a time line of our life in Group last week. It was very difficult for me to write down everything. It isn't like I had this big discovery of things, but to see it all written down, was powerful. It shut me down for a day or two. As I looked back on my life, especially as a young child, it is horrifying. It would take a resilient person to survive the mis-treatment and lack of love that I endured.
Crazy, because I feel so weak. I wonder what happened to that strong little girl. Because as an adult I dont have that kind of strength.
