Blue as the ocean

I have the most beautiful grandson.  What a joy it is to have him.  I got to watch him for a while last night. I cherished every minute of it.  We did some yard work, adjusted sprinklers, went on a walk and just played.  Madden will almost laugh if you tickle his check. 

I starred into his eyes last night.  Wondered who he would be. And wondered if I ever took the time to stare into my babies eyes.  I can't remember.  I was so busy working and taking care of everything, it is all just a blur of memories. 

I love those blue eyes.  So pure and blue.  Deep as the ocean, full of life and hope. 

Enjoy these moments.  They will escape as quickly as the last babies did. 

In the beginning

Dear Debbie,

I thought of this really great idea to write letters.  Letters of true raw feelings.  That will only be shared with me, or you; however you look at it.

Pretty much my whole life I have struggled with depression.  I really am so envious of people that have an up beat attitude, or someone that can see the positive.  Because for me, I wake up discouraged most days, and struggle all day to not be grumpy.  Not that this is how I enjoy spending my day, but that is really my true north.

If I could recognize one thing today that sincerely makes me feel joy, it would be something simple.  Lora's husband Dan got a permanent job.  This is good.

I worry about my children, about them making good choices.  I worry about finances. 

I am so happy to have such a good husband, wonderful blessings of being a mother.  The gospel is true- I know this.  I am thankful for so many things.  You would just never know by looking at me.